Bridal And Baby Showers

By Hazrat Moulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahimahullah)

There are many customs and trends which have their affiliation
with the non-Muslim culture and lifestyle. Many Muslims, due to
being afflicted with what appears to be a truly insecure and
inferior complex, look towards and choose the customs and
trends of the non-Muslims over that of the beautiful sunnah. It
seems as if the need is to secure a kind of acceptance in a non-
Muslim society and just blend in with them – so that we are not
recognized as Muslims.

Bridal Showers and Baby Showers have unfortunately become
ingrained in the Muslim lifestyle, just as much of the rest of the
non-Muslim lifestyle have become ingrained. Many may ask:
What’s wrong with giving gifts, congratulating the bride-to-be or
the new mother, or having a get together with friends?
There is nothing wrong with giving the bride or the new
mother a gift, or congratulating the person. To give a gift and
congratulate are from the teachings of Islam – and would draw
rewards… but there are conditions to be met in even these noble
deeds. What is extremely wrong and objectionable is the
background to these good deeds. They are not within the
parameters of sharee‘ah.

The picture of a typical bridal shower and baby shower is not
typical with the sunnah. It is typical of the non-Muslim way of
life. By following suit, we fall into the sin of “Tashabbuh bil
Kuffaar” (emulating the disbelievers). It is aligning oneself with
those who have rejected Allah Ta‘ala, who live their lives in
immorality and disobedience.

Nikaah is a great ‘ibaadah. Pregnancy and the birth of a child
also have their requisites in Islam. However, the West has
commercialized all of these noble occasions, and made them into
money-making events. The sacredness of these occasions is
forgotten.

Today, nikaahs have taken on a distinct mould of a Hollywood
or Bollywood style wedding – where the bride is dressed to look
like a Christian bride or a Bollywood actress – with no sign of
Islam on her; and the groom is dressed in a suit and tie, looking
like a typical Christian groom.

Adding insult to injury is the extravagance and open sin at
the time of the wedding and waleemah. One’s mind moves in the
direction of the millions and millions who are suffering famine
and starvation, who have no home, no water, no food, no
clothing – but the Muslim ignores all that suffering just for some
fleeting attention and praise.

All those hundreds of thousands of Rands wasted on draping a
hall, on dressing the chairs, on wine glasses, on musicians,
photography, on wedding cards that are thrown away, etc., is
money which could have been the means of alleviating the
plight of so many suffering people.

One brother handed me an elaborate invitation card for his
daughter’s wedding. I enquired as to the cost of the wedding
card, and was told that each card cost R50. Advising him, I told
him that almost all people throw away wedding cards. People
generally dispose of them. So he should regard that as people
throwing away hundreds of his R50 notes. Would he throw R50
notes into a bin? No. However, the throwing away of those cards
is equal to throwing away R50 notes. That same money could
have been used in making the Aakhirah. (NB: This was the cost in
Hazrat Moulana (rahimahullah)’s lifetime. Presently the same card may
cost perhaps R100 or even more.)

Even those who are known to be religious will waste
thousands on halls, on décor, etc., thereby sacrificing the
pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala and Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi
wasallam). Those who were meant to set the noble example of
the sunnah, who we expect are living the sunnah – knowingly
choose to forsake the sunnah. Simplicity, which is part of imaan,
is a rare sight in these times.

Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu‘anha) related that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said:
“Verily, the most blessed nikaah is that which involves the least
difficulty (expenditure).”

We have a perfect sunnah – a perfect way of life in the life of
our Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and in the lives of his

companions, men and women. We have what is superior to all
other cultures, yet we consider what everyone else has. It shows
great weakness if we give preference to the culture of the
Christians, Jews and idolators over the noble sunnah of
Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). We are exchanging
diamonds for stones… and what an unprofitable exchange this is!

What a great loss! Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: “Whoever emulates a nation is from amongst them.” In another hadeeth it is stated: “A
person is with whom he loves.” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)
also said that we will be raised on the Day of Judgment with
those whom we imitate in this worldly life. (May Allah Ta‘ala
save us from such disgrace and humiliation.) Emulating the non-
Muslim culture is one downfall but there are many more that are
found in the Bridal and Baby Showers.

The non-Muslims have coined a novel concept of begging –
especially amongst the upper-class. It seems as if some, from
amongst the wealthy, have developed an art of begging. They
even have a name for it. In the name of Bridal Showers, Baby
Showers, Registries, etc., people gracefully and politely extend
their begging hands, and they ask and take from others.
The bride-to-be chooses her gifts from exclusive stores that
offer a “registry” or she unashamedly hands out a list of those
items she wants gifted to her. In the process, she places pressure
and financial difficulty and sometimes a great burden on others
to purchase those gifts that she has chosen. At the get-together,
these gifts and other gifts are presented to the bride-to-be, who
opens them and shows them to all present, and each person can
assess the kind of money that was spent on the gift given.

Let usnow consider the various wrongs in this act:
A person is forced to purchase gifts that the bride has chosen
which may even be beyond her budget in spending. A person
who gives something simple or inexpensive will feel ashamed
and embarrassed, considering the manner in which gifts are
being received and shown to others.

The hadeeth encourages giving gifts because giving gifts
creates mahabbah (love). If mahabbah is not created, then this
proves that either the giver or receiver in insincere. Sometimes,
people give with intentions other than expressing their
mahabbah. However, there are many who request or are
desirous of receiving and there is a kind of greed from the
receiving side. This request or expectation (ishraaf) reveals
insincerity from the one who is receiving.

A gift must be given happily and willingly, and should be
received graciously and thankfully. This is the sunnah. However,
when we ask of people, as in the case of registries, etc., people
will give, but they give unhappily and unwillingly. And if some
gift is given, which is not to our liking, then we receive it
without any appreciation and thanks. This is our lamentable
condition.

Another aspect that has also been brought to our attention is
the immorality and shamelessness at such gatherings; indecent
talk, shameless dressing by Muslim women, inappropriate
games, music, dancing and such filthy entertainment, that we
would not want to bring on to our tongues. It is not permissible
for a person to attend such gatherings. The sharee‘ah instructs
us: “It is not permissible to be present in a gathering where Allah
Ta‘ala is being disobeyed.”

Moreover, a person’s presence at such a gathering is actually
aiding in promoting and glorifying the impermissible function.

We are told not to assist each other in sin; rather to assist in
what is righteous: “Help each other in righteousness and piety,
and do not help each other in sin and aggression.” (Surah
Maaidah, v2)

A bride-to-be is known for her modesty and shyness, but all of
this is lost in adopting the culture of the non-Muslims. Their
dressing and their fashion nurtures immodesty. Added to this,
these sins are publicized and photographs are taken and
uploaded on social media for all and sundry to view the level of
our degeneration.

The heart bleeds at this miscarriage of the sunnah… Nay, this
abortion of the sunnah. How will we meet our Beloved Nabi
(sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) on the Day of Judgment? How will
we show our faces to the one whose entire life was sacrificed so
that today we be the reciters of the kalimah?

May Allah Ta‘ala have mercy upon us, since we stand to lose a
great deal by adopting this culture. If we continue in this line
and direction, we will lose the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala and we
will lose the great rewards for enlivening and practising the
sunnah. We also stand to lose the companionship of Rasulullah
(sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) at the fountain of Kauthar on the
Day of Judgment and even stand to lose the success of our
marriages due to having sacrificed the beautiful, noble sunnah
by means of our emulation of the Hollywood and Bollywood
culture.

If our allegiance is to Allah Ta‘ala and His Rasul (sallallahu
‘alaihi wasallam), then there should be no delay in repenting and
mending our ways and coming back to what is pure and
beautiful – Islam and the sunnah. In this is the success of both
worlds.

May Allah Ta‘ala grant us the understanding, the concern and
the taufeeq (ability) of ‘amal (practice).

Avoiding Divine Wrath – Moulana Yunus Patel رحمه الله